Relationships

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7 Signs your relationship isn’t working
By Andrea Prisby

Relationships have their ups and downs, but how do we know if this relationship really isn’t working? Here’s seven clues that your it’s not true love.

1. Fight Fight Fight!
You may have so many things in common but still argue. Minimal disagreements are fine, but if you even have to question if you fight too much--then you probably do. Fights matter because petty arguments on the surface are caused by pent-up aggression underneathe. Aggression does not come from love. It is poison in a relationship.

2. Too Dependent
Do you rely on him/her for everything? If that person was stripped from you, could you survive on your own? It’s easy—especially for girls—to become dependent on their boyfriend. A certain level of dependency is healthy in a relationship, because you want to look to one another for support and compassion. But if you feel like you cannot do anything without that person, something is wrong. Or if you feel like you have to ask permission to go out with your friends or spend time with your family, that dependency has become distorted into control. Depend on one, the One.

3. Jealousy
There are three circumstances for jealousy. The first is you trying to figure out where you fit in his/her list of priorites. Feeling like you are fifth on the list will make you jealous. Talk about it, and if see if things change. If you are still behind sports, homework, friends, video games, and sleep--then get out.

The second kind of jealousy comes from your date flirting with others. This is a sign of manipulation, and manipulation is a sign of a doomed relationship. Make a habit of looking for manipulation and save yourself from a lot of pain.

The third kind of jealousy comes from inside you and has nothing to do with the other person. Your own insecurity can play games in your head, making you covetous of the other person’s time and affection. Step back and examine yourself. If you don’t, you’ll probably get dumped.

4. Friends First, You Last
It’s healthy to hang out with each other’s friends. This keeps you from living on Planet You-Me. But there is a difference between hanging out with your friends every so often and hanging out with them all the time. If your boyfriend/girlfriend chooses to spend more time with their friends, they are not ready for a relationship. This balance is important and needs to be discussed early in the relationship.

5. You First, Friends Last
Similar to #4, if your friends and family are complaining about never seeing you, you need to re-examine your relationship. Yes, when you are dating, you naturally spend more time with that person before where all you did was hang out with friends and family. But when you cut that time off completely, you are too absorbed in that other person. This is unhealthy. The important thing is to maintain relationships with friends throughout the relationship, especially in the early stages. They can help hold you accountable and keep your head on straight.

6. Less God time
This is huge. If your relationship with God is suffering, you need to back away. If he/she is pulling you away from God, instead of leading you closer, get out of the relationship. God should be the center of your relationship. You should each love Him more than the other person.

Missionary dating does not work. Yes, there may be hope that your boyfriend/girlfriend will someday come to love the Lord, but that “hope” isn’t going to help your relationship grow and develop. The best thing you can do for that other person is to let them be God’s. You need to be solid in your faith before you begin a relationship. Don’t assume that he/she will change once you start dating.

7. Isn’t willing to talk or listen
When you talk, does he or she listen? If you feel shut out, this relationship has already died. You should never put up with this behavior. Remove yourself from the situation. You deserve to be listened to and to be respected.


These ideas may convict you and force you to examine your relationship. I want to remind you that they are meant to do just that. I am not assuring you that even if half are true that your relationship needs to end. Please take them into consideration, pray about them, and then handle your relationship accordingly. Relationships can lead us closer to God, or further away, so we need to be smart about who we date. God is the true source of happiness, and a God-less relationship is a love-less relationship. You deserved to be loved!